When My Brain Backfires

My very first car was handed down to me by my grandparents. Living out in the country, this beauty was my ticket to freedom. No longer would I be the first student on the bus in the morning or the last person off. I wouldn't be relying on my friends to drive out of their way on the long dirt road to pick me up. I loved that quirky car and how it opened up my world to new opportunities. One of it's most memorable personality traits was it's spontaneous way of backfiring at the most inopportune times. I'd press down on the gas pedal to accelerate and after a good 4 second pause, it would lurch forward with an explosive pop from the tailpipe. It made for a good laugh among friends and fond memories of a quirky car with an explosive personality.

As I'm sitting in my living room on my first day to get anything done on holiday break, I am feeling much like that Ford Fairmont of my youth. I'm pressing down on the accelerator ready for a burst of innovative inspiration...and nothing. Instead, I get a flood of emotion and frustration because I have all this time and I'm paralyzed. This is not abnormal for me. I've experienced it my entire life. My mind moves at a million miles per hour with ideas racing around at break neck speeds. I yearn for moments of solitude when they can all settle down and place themselves in logical order. Then, when those precious moments finally come, the ideas all pause in my brain all jumbled up and just waiting to lurch forward. I use to get so incredibly frustrated by this. When I press down on my accelerator, I want my brain to respond immediately. I don't want to wait. However, the reality is that's not how my brain works. The ideas will flow when they're ready and they almost always come with an explosive pop eventually. So today, I'm going to embrace the solitude, accept the fact that the ideas aren't flowing, and relax. Because, I know that when my brain backfires it will eventually lurch forward and pop with an explosion of ideas. I just need to be patient.

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